If you are staying in US, you get this call (the caller id invariably says "out of area") and your hello is answered by a polite "Sir?..." followed by a pregnant pause.
The telemarketer on the roll !
Earlier I use to just hang up. And then the donotcall.gov thing happened and I registered in a hurry. But the way it works is that the website sends you a link which you have to click to confirm and the link always failed and the number of telemarketing calls grew after that !
I could not figure this scam out.
So I found ways around it.
I started to give them music. After they called me, I would say a polite "hold on", switch on the radio (the worst station that I could find) and put the handset in front of it. And then I would laugh as song after song passed by. Then I would abdruptly hang up. Remember, they called me without my permission!!
Then there is Rhea, my three year old. So when ever I got such a call, I would say "hold on, let me get you the decision maker" and pass the phone on to Rhea and then I could hear the telemarketer struggling with my little ones babbbles. I knew they were not allowed to hang up on customers and Rhea did not KNOW how to hang up. So it was a fight for loss of control, till her tiny attention span, usually 7-8 minutes, in which she would tell her life story three times over, and then the call would end.
Then Rhea went back to India to meet her grandparents with Gayatri and I suddenly started having these vaccum week ends where at the end of Sunday , I would realize that I have not spoken a word all week end.
And then telemarketers were my best friends !!
So a telemarketers calls in.
"Sir? ..."
And I would answer, "Is that you, sweet heart ?"
"Sir?"
'Did we not date yesterday ?"
'Sir, you are mistaken ..."
"No I am not.. How can I forget this voice ...Can we meet again.. ?"
"Sir this is Danny/Dennis calling from ..."
"Oh No No No... You think you can fool me ..." and then I woud go on and on talking about the fictitious date and they could not hang up.
Then I would try the Seinfield trick
'Sir?"
"Yes...?"
"This is John calling on Behalf of bank of America..." Bank of America charged me $10 to send me a statement of MY account for MY money that I kept with them for my mothers visa application. "Sure. You know what I am kind of busy, but then I want to speak to you. Can I call you back ?"
"Sure, it is 1-800-..."
"Can I call you at your home ?"
"No sire, you cannot.."
"And you think you can call me home? How about this sweetheart, you give me your residential number and I will call you when I think I am ready" This really pissed them off. The idea is not ensure that you do not use profanities (because then they are allowed to record and hang up). The idea is not to shout. Just keep talking about everything that they do not want to hear.
Like I tell them childhood stories. Read them Rhea's book. Gayatri's prescriptions.
And then i have another one.
"Sir?..."
"It is you!!! Hold on" and I turn away form the phone and talk to no one in particular "Honey, call the FBI, it is the kidnapper" loud enough for the telemarketer to hear it.
"Sir?... " A distinct shrill in the voice.
"Please, please do not hurt my child. I will give you money"
And the guy begged me to end the call. And I was not ready. I wanted to pay ransom.
Or else, TAKE ME OFF YOUR GODDAM DATABASE !!!